Stoics on Jealousy – Here is what the philosophy of Stoicism says about jealousy
Stoics on jealousy, what did the great philosophers have to say about the destructive emotion?
The human condition has been much the same in the past 2000 years ago.
Hence, the sage advice given by the Stoics still serves as some of the most effective for combating jealousy.
In this article we will analyze 5 stoic quotes on jealousy to see how we can free ourselves from this emotion.
Epictetus on Jealousy – Gain Context
One of the most common things that one can be jealous of is another’s success.
Perhaps you have been in business for several years but are disappointed to see others surpassing your success.
Or you wish to have the charisma of another, you weren’t blessed with a magnetic personality.
Here is Epictetus’ advice on the matter,
These reasonings are unconnected: “I am richer than you, therefore I am better”; “I am more eloquent than you, therefore I am better.” The connection is rather this: “I am richer than you, therefore my property is greater than yours;” “I am more eloquent than you, therefore my style is better than yours.” But you, after all, are neither property nor style.
—Epictetus
The feeling of jealousy creates shame because we take our lack of results too personally.
Epictetus invites us to be objective about others success and to not internalize any subjective value judgements about the situation.
If someone has more money than you, it doesn’t speak to your value as a person.
If someone is more attractive than you, it doesn’t speak to your value as a person.
All material possessions or qualities admired by societies are not a reflection of the deeper reality which is a human being.
You are a soul first and this cannot be compared.
This mindset is also freeing because it promotes a ‘growth mindset’ instead of a ‘fixed mindset’.
When you see peoples success as being the necessary effect of some fundamental cause.
It free’s you to pursue similar actions and reap similar rewards.
When you believe success has to do with self-worth, it orients you towards failure.
Quid-pro-quo – Stoics on Jealousy
For how much is lettuce sold? Fifty cents, for instance. If another, then, paying fifty cents, takes the lettuce, and you, not paying it, go without them, don’t imagine that he has gained any advantage over you. For as he has the lettuce, so you have the fifty cents which you did not give”
—Epictetus
Quid pro quo means ‘something for something’, there are no free lunches in life, every action has a reaction.
The person you feel jealous of has sacrificed something in order to attain the thing you desire.
You have not made the same sacrifice and hence should not complain about not being in the same position.
For example, people often envy the success of influencers and celebrities.
What they don’t see is the hidden side of success; the struggle to find authentic connections, the dependency of everyone on the celebrity, the lack of privacy and an array of other issues.
Many celebrities live traumatic lives which led them to abusing drugs and alcohol.
There is a positive and negative with everything in life.
When you don’t make the same sacrifice, (not ‘paying fifty cents’) you gain other benefits.
Perhaps you have more peace in your life, deeper connections and possibly more joy.
The lesson is to not be jealous of people’s success because often you are only seeing the tip of the iceberg.
You need to be ready to accept everything under the waters surface if you want their life.
You need to be ready to sacrifice the good you have in your life.
Marcus Aurelius on Jealousy – Turn inwards
Don’t set your mind on things you don’t possess…but count the blessings you actually possess and think how much you would desire them if they weren’t already yours.”
— Marcus Aurelius
Gratitude is a powerful cure for jealousy.
When you take stock of what you possess and how far you have come it’s much easier to be happy.
People often measure their success against an ideal instead of against their progression.
Let’s say you are a high performing salesperson.
You make $500,000 in commission every year but want to make $1,000,000.
As soon as you set the goal you find yourself feeling jealous of the people in your organization who are already making millions in commission.
This is a trap.
Entrepreneur coach Dan Sullivan calls this being stuck in the ‘gap’.
What you want to do is focus on the ‘gain’ remember what it was like to struggle to get you first $1000 in commission.
Remember how bad you used to be and how you struggled to make progress.
Now contrast your old self with your current self.
You will notice you have made tremendous progress, this makes you feel more gratitude.
Gratitude puts you in a better mood which in turn will help you achieve you goals.
Another way to practice gratitude is through using the stoic exercise negative visualization.
Be your own judge – Stoics on jealousy
What then is worth being valued? To be received with clapping of hands? No. Neither must we value the clapping of tongues, for the praise which comes from the many is a clapping of tongues. Suppose then that thou hast given up this worthless thing called fame, what remains that is worth valuing? This in my opinion, to move thyself and to restrain thyself in conformity to thy proper constitution
—Marcus Aurelius
Marcus Aurelius, despite being a Roman emperor did not care for fame. He was not fond of jealousy and was clearly a humble man.
This humility can be seen at the start of his Meditations where he gives thanks to all the people who have helped him in life.
His book ‘Meditations’ despite being immensely popular was not meant to be published. The book is a series of journal entries which Marcus wrote for himself.
Clearly more fame was not his goal.
He advises us to not be concerned with peoples opinion of us.
Fame is and high regard is something many people become jealous of.
We see people in our industry getting more attention than us, more awards, more social media followers and we feel jealous.
Marcus advises us to disregard the opinions of the crowd.
Because their opinion is often wrong,
“The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.”
—Marcus Aurelius
There are many cases in which great leaders and movements faced tough opposition because they were going against the status-quo.
Many great artists are often appreciated more after they have died.
The crowd is the arbiter of what’s good and what’s bad.
Choose instead to focus on your own judgements and live by your own credo.
When you ‘restrain thyself in conformity to thy proper constitution’ life becomes more relaxed, and jealousy evaporates.
Seneca on Jealousy – Happiness Struggle
You need not be envious of those whom the people call great and fortunate; applause need not disturb your composed attitude and your sanity of mind; you need not become disgusted with your calm spirit because you see a great man, clothed in purple, protected by the well-known symbols of authority;[29] you need not judge the magistrate for whom the road is cleared to be any happier than yourself
—Seneca
Seneca advises us to get in the habit of keeping a calm mind whenever we see another’s success.
From a young age we are taught to compete with each other, siblings compete for their parents attention.
At school you were in competition with other students.
In university and college you compete with other academics and in the world of business you are at war with other businesses.
There is another way to play the game of life.
What some have called the infinite game or what Wallace D Wattles called overcoming the competitive mind is the same concept.
The idea is to think in terms of abundance instead of scarcity.
There is more than enough for everyone in the world.
The quality of life has increased drastically over the past 2000 years.
The great man clothed in purple from Seneca’s time does not have the same access to resources as the homeless man sleeping on the street in our modern age.
Things get better when people stop thinking in terms of jealousy and competition and focus on self-betterment.
Seneca also reminds us that outwards success doesn’t always reflect the inner reality,
“you need not judge the magistrate for whom the road is cleared to be any happier than yourself”.
Every person deals with a similar inner reality.
We all feel happy, frustrated, sad, grateful, angry and a large cocktail of other emotions.
The outer manifestations of success can’t tell you anything about what the person is feeling inside.
Focus on yourself and the pursuit for more abundance.
Do this and you will be one step closer to living and dying well.